It has been 3 months plus now and my breastfeeding journey
is not as smooth as I’d hope it would be. Yes, breastfeeding is now one of my
top priority.
As I went through a C-section, I had to lie down the first
24 hours while breastfeeding. Baby and I were both new at it so we had to call
the nurse so many times to help. It’s so funny to have somebody to pull your
nipple and put into baby’s mouth. As I did not have enough rest the first
night, I really could not sleep that night, I sent my baby to the nursery and
ask them to feed her on the second night.
I was tired. I couldn’t think. My blood pressure was
reaching 190. What’s a few formula feeding compared to a sane mind, right ?
The next day, we got the hang of it. Baby could latch and I
wasn’t feeling much pain. You see, all you need is to be calm.
Everything was smooth sailing during confinement. I even had
extra to stock up for work. Or so I thought. In the journey of teaching lil
Zayra to bottle feed and the events of spoiled freezer, my stock finished before
I started work. So now I am what you call a pump-today-finish-tomorrow mother.
My office is a very small office which 99% of the employees
are male. I am the 1%. It’s an open concept in one of the shop lots. There is
no room except for the boss’s and no empty area that I could just cover with a
separator.
So before I started work, I went to buy the wind shield and
front windows cover. The plan was to just pump in the car. So I did. Then I
realized that the front window cover is not a cover after all. People can still
see inside. I have my nursing cover so I continued pumping in the car for a
week. I kept on looking outside while pumping in case anybody is staring. It’s
not good to pump when you are not calm as it will affect your milk production.
This week, I decided to just pump in the toilet. Oh my God.
It is so freaking hot in there. And I have to stand for a good 30 minutes. That
is tiring and also not calm. Also because there is only 1 toilet in the office,
I’m always waiting for somebody to knock on the door. Sigh.
Going to client’s office is no breeze either. Almost cried
because I couldn’t find a proper place to pump. Decided on the toilet again and
luckily I got to leave early. So only 1 pumping session at the client’s place.
I also have to watch what I eat. A lot of food will have
Zayra react to it. She has reflux problem. Same as her mother. Sigh. Chocolate
will decrease my milk production, which is a sad thing to have. Spicy food too.
Mee goreng and caffeine will give her bad reflux. Seafood would give her
eczema. I’m observing her reaction to dairy. She couldn’t handle dairy when she
was younger but I think now she is adapting to it.
So yeah, there are nights where she couldn’t sleep and cry
because of reflux. Some nights she will be crying because I am out of milk.
Some days I drive to work in a zombie mode. It has been tough but we have
achieved our 3 months milestone. Targeting the 6 months milestone now. Baby
steps. In Shaa Allah. Ada rezeki Zayra to have mama’s milk for 2 years.
