My fit life which is no more

Today I was brought to an IG of a mother, a breastfeeding mother, who is still active with her physical activities. She ran, won a medal and breastfed her daughter after the race.

I cried.

Yup, I did.

I was active. Very active. I loved working out. To sweat. To lift heavy things. I worked hard for a few years and managed to lose weight. I managed to get a body that I'm comfortable in. A bit of muscles here and there. A lil bit of fat but I didn't mind it.

Then I got pregnant. Few months in, I bled. I stopped all my physical activities. After I gave birth, I realized that I lost all my strength. My core strength has gone down the drain. My arms strength is gone. Back to knee push ups. Panting after 5 reps. I am now back to flat ass. My glutes muscle, all gone.

For somebody who has worked so hard, woke up at 5 am to mealprep and workout, spent my weekend with running and gym and crossfit, what I am now is a disappointment.

I am disappointed with myself. I am disappointed that I do not make the effort to workout consistently. I am disappointed that I do not control what I eat and give excuses like I'm breastfeeding. I do not need to eat chocolate because it does not help with my breastfeeding but now I'm addicted to it.

When I have the free time to workout, I tell myself that I am tired. Or no, I can't leave her. I don't have enough milk in stock.

It has now been more than 5 months and I am nowhere near to progressing back to my old self. Don't get me wrong, I love my baby. I don't regret having her coz she is now my new bestfriend. She is my pillar when I'm going through an emotional turmoil like this one.

However, a baby is not an excuse. I should be working out consistently. I really want her to watch her parents living a healthy and fit life. I do not want her to grow up addicted to TVs, gadgets and video games. I want her to be active. I don't want her to be sedentary.